I woke up, all sweaty. I had the same dream, yet again. I was in the middle of an argument with a man whose face I couldn’t see. He raised his hand, I tried to defend myself by taking a step back, ducking my head. There was a gun shot and the man died.

I texted him.

Hey, sorry for waking you up so late. I had the same dream.

It’s 3 AM, can’t we discuss your bizarre dreams tomorrow?

I am disturbed, can’t sleep. Please talk to me for at least 5 minutes.

He didn’t reply.

The next morning, while reading the newspaper, I was shell shocked to find a headline

FAMOUS BUSINESSMAN ROHAN SHARMA MURDERED

Rohan Sharma, the famous startup king, the youngest in the FORBES UNDER 30 LIST murdered?!

I went through the news. Rohan had been shot by an unknown assailant in the presence of his girlfriend. His girlfriend was being interrogated but she only spoke about her argument with him, and how he was going to hit her. In the meanwhile, he was shot dead from behind.

This was strange because of its similarity with my recurring dreams.

For the next couple of nights, I slept peacefully. I had forgotten about the bizarre dream.
A few nights ago, I had the same dream again. Just that this time, I was the man and I could see the woman in front of me, Rohan’s girlfriend, I assumed.

We were arguing. She said that she wanted to leave me. She had fallen in love with somebody else. I asked her to give me a chance, but she started abusing me and called me a fool.

I lost my temper and raised my hand to hit her. She ducked and a man shot me from behind her. As I collapsed on the floor, I heard her say, “You fool! Transferred 80% of your shares in my name, you love sick moron. It was all a plan.”

She had a smirk on her face while she saw me breathe my last. Just then I saw the assailant hug her.

I woke up all sweaty. I was crying. Why was I dreaming about Rohan Sharma’s murder? I had met him only once at a conference. We had no other connection as such.

The next morning, I saw a newspaper headline

SAMAY SHARMA, BROTHER OF ROHAN SHARMA TIES THE KNOT WITH ROHAN’S EX-GIRLFRIEND, SAMAIRA KAPOOR, 80% OWNER OF DREAM MACHINE INC.

I woke up in my pod. That’s where the “chosen ones” dwell.

It is year 2030. We live in a dystopian society now, where people are not discriminated on the basis of caste, creed, colour, sex, language or ethnicity. Wait, then why did I say “dystopian”?

Well… the world has been taken over by colonizers who divide humans on the basis their views on Dream Tube.

So… Dream Tube, what’s that? That’s new age YouTube where humans need to get the maximum views on their videos. Anyone with less than 10 million views is sent to Social Banners, a new age prison.

Don’t you want to know why I live in a pod? So… anyone with more than 10 million views lives in the fancy pods. What do we upload on our Dream Tube channel? Our dreams every alternate day.

The more interesting your dream, the more views on your video. Simple! But, how do we ensure our dreams are entertaining or viral worthy? Not in our hands, folks! So, every alternate night, I sleep after reading fascinating stories or watching intriguing videos. That’s the only way we can control our subconscious mind, isn’t it?
But being a fancy pod dweller comes with the pressure of living up to the expectations of fans and viewers every alternate night, lest we are sent off to Social Banners forever.

As I plug in my Dream Catcher chip to my device, I am shocked and my heart is thumping. My dream starts.

In my dream, I am in an argument with Joyce, my neighbour. He is a pod dweller too. During the argument, he tries to hit me with a vase. In self defence, I stab him with a knife and he dies.

Immediately after I upload my dream, my video receives 12 Million views, in a matter of 5 seconds. I have apparently broken all records.

I am about to get ready for a party with the government officials to celebrate my record when the bell rings. I am up for the biggest shock, it’s the Social Banner officers at the entrance of my pod.

You are under arrest, come with us to Social Banners. You are held for the brutal murder of Joyce.

“What? It was just a dream!”
“We have found camera footages in Joyce’s pod. They show that you stabbed him with a knife and fled from the scene.”

They collided at Holborn tube station. Their eyes met, they smiled at each other and then walked in opposite directions.
He reached home and kept thinking about her. He wondered if he would see her again. She was like a breath of fresh air, like a beautiful and dainty iris flower, he thought to himself.
The next evening, he waited at the Holborn station, hoping to see her again. He waited for a while, but couldn’t see her. He decided to try again the next day.
He finally found her in the crowd the next day. He heaved a sigh of relief. He approached her.
“Hey, I am not stalking you but I couldn’t stop thinking about you ever since I saw you the other day. I am Percy.”
“Oh, hi. I am Iris. I am so relieved, I was wondering if I would see you again. You may say I was stalking you, too!”
Who says there is nothing like love at first sight?
They exchanged numbers and stayed in touch. It took them just about 5 days to finally admit being in love with each other. They decided to meet at Granger & Co. restaurant at Kings Cross around 9 PM.
He spotted her outside the exit of Kings Cross station. She was looking breathtakingly beautiful in a lime yellow dress. Once she spotted him, she waved at him and excitedly started walking towards him. They hugged and felt as if the world had stopped for a moment.
They entered the restaurant and waited for the waiter to take their order. It seemed as though the staff was ignoring them for some strange reason. After waiting for a while, he went up to the reception counter, but it was too crowded so he stepped back and took his date outside. They found it quite strange to be ignored rudely by the staff.
They held hands and kissed each other under the full moon. They had yearned for this special magical moment for a long time. He walked with her to the Kings Cross station. There was a crowd and some police officers. They wondered what was going on.
Both of them were flabbergasted. Her head started to spin and he felt breathless too. Lying outside the station were their bodies, a bouquet of Iris flowers scattered all around.
They overheard one of the officers. “It was an absolutely unpleasant sight. The young man was running towards this young lady just after they must have exited the station. Both of them collided with Bus No. 25 and died on spot. Wish they unite in heaven now.”

He fell in love with her at first glance. Her hazel eyes twinkling, she swept back her thin wisp of wavy hair. His heart skipped a beat.
He was the owner of TrueLove, an AI based dating app. She was his muse and employee. He looked at her again, she was busy typing some codes.
Having known her for almost 2 years, he finally mustered the courage to ask her out. She said yes. They were going to meet at Cafe Peach around 7PM.
He got ready for his date with his muse. Just when he was leaving home, he received a notification on TrueLove for a software update. He remembered seeing her working on the codes at work. He updated the software on his way to the Cafe.
He waited at the Cafe for nearly an hour and then got jittery. He called her number but nobody picked up. He sent a message but it was undelivered.
The next day, he went to office and saw that she hadn’t turned up at work yet. There was a chaos outside his office. His secretary informed that after last evening’s software update, people had lost contact with their respective “dates”.
He realized that his AI based dating app provided AI partners for virtual relationships, and the software update may have erased some data.
But why had she disappeared?
He went to her cabin and rummaged through her documents and files in her drawers. He was shocked to find a chip based ID card.
SITARA
Created by StarDating App
He realized she was an AI mole sent by his rival app to destroy TrueLove forever.

In a click of a button, we are introduced in minutes to a world full of Naagins evil sasumas ,ghosts, adultery,swapping of wives and husbands, the list goes on and on never seeming to end and we seem to gain so much joy,entertainment and feeling of oneness with these TV serials that we try to imitate them and live their lives not realizing that in the bargain we lose our sense of belonginess,identity and are willing to live in a world of fantasy,deceit,falsehood.
We Know Evil Exists, But… THIS Much? Most shows are pegged around women helming family matters and the plotting and conspiring amongst themselves tends to get on one’s nerves.
Older shows like Balika Vadhu and Uttaran had antagonists who plotted to humiliate other members of their family. In Diya Aur Bati Hum too, a female antagonist was always heard scheming in her monologue.And who doesn’t remember Komolikka from Kasauti Zindagi Kay?The latest trend in shows is infusing a supernatural element, completely defying science, logic, death and sometimes even gravity.Naagins, makkhis, telepathy, super speed, ghosts, resurrections, and many other elements contribute in making Indian soap operas the enigma they are.
Another strange phenomenon in our daily soaps is the crazy time jumps. The moment the lead couple gets married and has a baby, the show often gets fast-forwarded to at least 20 years.Their child is now 20 years old in the blink of an eye but the rest of the cast hasn’t aged a day! *slow claps.
For example, show Saath Nibhaana Saathiya, for example, the mother looks like her daughter’s sister. Science definitely cannot come up with an anti-ageing treatment to match this phenomenon. In  Kausati Zindagi Ki, we see couples getting married so many times that it confuses us and makes us wonder what they are trying to portray.
I can understand going to sleep in casual clothes, but going to bed wearing heavily embroidered saris, huge jhumkas, and more than five necklaces is unique to Indian soap operas. To top it all… waking up with perfect makeup!
Reality takes a walk with most Indian soap operas as we are left to wonder, “Kaun banate hai ye sab, aur log kyun dekhte hai isse?” (“Who makes these shows and who watches them?”) Once upon a time, there was no television to pack up the entire world and bring it into our living room. But as soon as it arrived, we became addicted to it. Even after the rise of computers, internet and smartphones, our televisions are still holding their proud place in our homes. They entertain us, inform us and are great help in whiling away a boring hour.
Out of all sorts of programs that we can watch on televisions, I thinks soap operas enjoy most popularity. And rightly so. After all, they entertain us while teaching us many valuable lessons. Yes, lessons. Here are some that I have learnt from the TV Soaps.
It’s sad to see Indian television becoming synonymous with regressive saas-bahu sagas and pointless reality shows.
One of the major shifts that took place on Indian television was one person who denoted an era of her own – Ekta Kapoor. Unfortunately for us, she struck gold with the concept of family shows being held together by a lead woman character. These women were created to tick all the attributes of some regressive ideal of the beti, bahu, biwi. The purpose of their lives seems to be to be sorry for everything happening around them.
Indian television also has become the den of reality TV shows where anger, expletives, flaring tempers sell more than any of the talent hunt. So we see a bunch of middle-aged men fighting over whether an upcoming singer will have roti in his house after the show gets over. It’s good entertainment for the audience as we see foul-mouthed judges give it to each other. And that’s that. 
And that’s when I drowned in my own thought about what happened to Indian television? It was decent growing up with the Malgudi Days, Byomkesh Bakshis of my time. And then everything went to shit.
 

From the very beginning of the start of Covid all over the world, our normal daily lives have been disturbed, turned topsy-turvy leaving behind a long lonely trail of memories of good days gone by. Within a click of a finger we have lost so many near and dear ones, who we thought still had a long way to go… life has become so uncertain that we have begun to dread every day,instead of enjoying life we are scared who will be snatched  away next… we had taken life so lightly and for granted that today we wish we could turn back the clock of life ..
On the onset they said “do not be alarmed” it was just a matter of good hygiene like washing hands, keeping social distance,wearing masks…They said this pandemic will be over in a year’s time and we will all get back to our old days soon. But it has now been more than a year and waves and surges of this pandemic don’t seem to die.
In all this, we fail to understand and see the grief and powerlessness that many are going through at seeing their loved one sick and dying slowly before them. Many a time the patients are treated like outcasts and their bodies wait for their loved ones to come and complete the burial rites which many a time an outsider fulfills for fear of infection.
Those who fought and are still fighting against Covid don’t deserve discrimination, we should  never lose our capacity to care, empathize and help all those who need our support.This virus has separated families and friends and brought out the worst in us as a people and society.
 
Never forget that a Covid patient is a human being who is scared, in pain and maybe without means to fight, we need to be more kinder, compassionate and human.
 
It’s the time to pay tribute to a family member, a relative, friend who died, recovered and are still fighting Covid.Make them know we salute them and that we are with them in thoughts and in our prayers.
 
 
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“It doesn’t count if you’re already planning your defeat,” said Jenny to Missy. “We have been waiting for this day for years now and you are scared all of a sudden. What happened to the Missy I knew, the Missy who was fearless. Come on; we have to do this.”, “Ya, you’re right. I have waited for this my whole life; I am not turning back now. Thank you, Jenny!”, “No problem! Let’s go.”
So for all those people who don’t know what’s happening, here’s the story –
Missy is a 21-year-old woman who is from a background where feminine sex is not considered very important. The society where she grew up was very narrow and old-minded; they didn’t allow girls to go out in the evening and treated them like slaves. Women were made to work in the kitchen and house the whole day and wore dirty, shabby skirts and shirts. Very few girls used to get an education; being a lucky one Missy was offered this opportunity. Missy was a bright student; she was very good at science and wanted to become a scientist. She was truly inspired by Marie Curie, who was the first woman and only person to win a Nobel prize twice. She found the cancer treatment and discovered radium and polonium. Missy always admired her and wanted to be just like her, potential and respected but, her society never let her. Also, she never understood the culture of her society; she always used to object to it and question it. She never liked the discrimination and always spoke up but, it was of no use cause every person had bud in their ears. Her best friend Jenny always used to support her and help her in every phase she had to face, whether it’s a scolding or beating, Jenny was always there with her. Although Jenny was not as smart and dedicated as Missy; she also had problems with society, the rules, and the mindset of people. Being kids it was difficult for them to gain attention and keep their point; they were turned down eventually. As they grew Missy and Jenny understood the people and culture of their society but, still, they didn’t agree with it. Missy got a scholarship at the best college in the country and she was very excited to tell her family about the scholarship. Finally, she could pursue her dreams and goals and become a famous scientist by making great discoveries for the world. As she was walking to her house merely withholding the letter in her hands, she saw Jenny coming towards her huffing and puffing and, she said, “it’s… a disaster Missy…. Everything it’s a disaster.“, “what happened?” Missy asked eagerly. Jenny said, “your parents are marrying you off and sending you to a different country.”, “no…… they can’t marry me off; I want to study and be someone!!!!!” Missy shouted. Then she started running towards her house as fast as she could and, when she reached there she saw an old man and woman at the door, leaving!! She rushed inside the house grabbed her parents and took them to the front room and, started shouting, “how can you do this?” “Stop shouting Merillen Elizabeth Alexander. And what are you talking about???” said her father. She calmly replied; trying to be polite “you cannot marry me off and send me to an entirely different country!! I want to study and be a scientist. You have to postpone my marriage for 8 years.”, “what are you talking about Missy, you had an opportunity to study and, it was only till you completed 12th no more education!! This is the rule of society. As soon as the girl turns 20 she is married off and there is no deciding whether she wants to marry or be someone in the world!!” said her mother. And then Missy was sent to her room and was asked to stay there. She was crying, crying hard with the letter in her hands in the corner of the room. After two days Jenny entered Missy’s room and as soon as Missy saw her she flung her arms around her neck and hugged her real hard. They both sat down and Missy told her about the scene which was created by her and Jenny told that she did the right thing. It is this society that is bad and cheap. After a long conversation between them, Missy said “we should run off”, “WHAT!!!” was Jenny’s reply, which was kind of oblivious. But Missy was serious about it and tried to convince Jenny and eventually, she did convince her and planned to run off the next night. They successfully ran off the other night and went to the college where Missy got a scholarship. They met a man of their age and told him about the whole situation, not a very wise idea but, the man was a gentleman so, he offered them some jobs and showed them the campus. Everything was going well till one day Missy’s parents and some other villagers showed up at Missy’s college. Missy and Jenny thought that someone must have told them about the college Missy got into. Missy and Jenny went running to the man they met the first day and told him about the current situation. The man asked them to stick with him as he called more men and women. They all walked up to Missy’s parents and villagers to talk to them and explain the working of this new world where women are not considered low but are equal to men and that they also have all the rights to do things but, Missy suddenly got scared and ran off the other direction, Jenny followed her and talked to her saying, “It doesn’t count if you’re already planning your defeat,” said Jenny to Missy. “We have been waiting for this day for years now and you are scared all of a sudden. What happened to the Missy I knew, the Missy who was fearless. Come on, we have to do this.”, “Ya, you’re right. I have waited for this my whole life, I am not turning back now. Thank you, Jenny!”, “No problem! Let’s go.”. They went back there and tried to talk to their people and eventually, all the people from Missy’s village understood that women should also have the same opportunity as men and they allowed Missy to study and be someone.

THANK YOU

Is the world burning?
There are fires all around.
Why do they ignite so easily?
The searing heat is disturbing,
The flames insatiable.
Spread over a treacherous terrain
Of unending grief and regret.
The smoke is too thick,
And the blaze too strong,
Charring everything in sight.
The pain is incalculable, the loss personal.
Families torn apart, dreams destroyed.
Why does no one help,
Can they not hear the anguished cries?
Oh, their world is burning too. 
This makes this so much more difficult,
That we must go through this trial by fire alone.
 

If I were a butterfly , 
I would fly fly until I die.
It would be peace in chaotic world, 
And I would sleep in my own curled . 
I would fly over pretty sky blue, 
That will be only mile few. 
                 – By Sayli Gupta

Spirituality is a way of life. It is nothing to do with a specific way of worshiping. To different people Bhakti and spirituality is different types.

People worship their “Supreme self” which is known as Atma-Bhakti. It is far away from visiting a sacred precinct to stand in long queues to see a swaroop. Then comes “Ishwara’s bhakti” which is bow in front of formless Cosmic lord which as per our hindu tradition we have 330 million deities. The third one is “Ishta-Bhakti” which is to worship one chosen lord. People follow this as per one family worshiping one Seul deity for ages just because it is been always there.The last one is “Guru-Bhakti” which is to follow a human being who is a Saadhu or walking on the path of Saadhna. He is the one who has left the worldly pleasures and walking on the path of tyaag and tapasaya.
Any of these four is acceptable and a personal choice of worshiping. As per me a person a like a ship without sailor off he is far away from spirituality. In entire world Indians are known for Bhakti. In Hindi literature there are various Raja’s who travelled far away bare feet to attain enlightenment, which is considered as utmost achievement apart from whatever materialistic achievements one has attained. Supreme peace is the only idea before long-lasting sleep.
A person even now is entangled in worldly pleasures in his lifetime which suddenly started detaching from it one by one. It is said the time has come. One should now attach themselves to god and leave all these things behind before getting lost the light of death.
Spirituality proliferates the living standard if done in a right manner else this is also just another way to make money which indeed people are making in numerous ways!
I can summarise my idea of loving god and walking on his step in one bhajan which is very close to my heart and no matter what, more I listen to it more I can swirl in lord’s bhakti.

“Achyutam Keshavam Krishna Damodaram
Rama Naraynam Janaki Vallabham”
In this the names of Lord Krishna are written in Sanskrit. It is said Sanskrit is one of the purest language in the world form which many foreign languages has been born. The more we sing these names the more closer we come to Lord Vishnu as Krishna ji was a reincarnation of Lord Vishnu.

Kaun Kehte Hai Bhagvan Aate Nahi
Tum Meera Ke Jaise Bulate Nahi
Who says God doesn’t come to you?
You don’t call her like Meera does.

Meerabai was a poetess who has given her life in the name lord Krishna, no matter her husband denied her worshiping another man, she never listened she considered herself wife of Krishna and loved him without asking anything in return. The depth of her preach was too deep to be denied to be accepted by lord. To which Krishna never loved her a lover or a wife, yet she surrendered her life to the one she loved.
This is how ones life should be, fragments of expectations are vile!
The dedication in her worship and compassion was enough for her to end her life while merging into an idol of Krishna in Dwarka.

Kaun Kehta Hai Bhagvan Khaate Nahi
Ber Shabri Ke Jaise Khilate Nahi

Shabri was an old lady who Lord Ram; another reincarnation of Lord Vishnu met in the forest of Shabri Dham near Pamasarovar. When she found out lord Rama was hungry she gathered berries from all over the forest. Each berry was rated by her in order to make sure she will not serve a poisonous and bitter berry to Shri Rama. He cautious nature pleased lord Rama and her dedication was loved by him though Lord Rama’s brother Laxman denied Shabari’s affection and considered the berries to be leftovers which has yet another fable to relate with when Laxman got fainted later on.

Kaun Kehta Hai Bhagvan Sote Nahi
Maa Yashoda Ke Jaise Sulate Nahin!

Mother Yashodha was foster mother for Lord Krishna and people vouch for her love towards Krishna. She loved him more than her own son Balram. When a mother love her son there is no comparison. This bhajan is enriched with qualities a person must have in him. This is what spirituality to me. Do whatever you do with utter dedication, compassion, practice truth in life, surrendering is elation of self, de-attachment is sole mantra to live life with enchantment.
One cannot get entirely happy or enlightened yet living life with these principals is a life of walking on path of happiness.

The recent incident of snatching the crown of Mrs. Sri Lanka just because she was a divorcee is in news updates and people are commenting their views on the current topic. Here I am sharing a story of a girl who had to deal with stuff due to divorce.
Coming back to the topic I am sharing my view as what has happened was wrong, as I have always been taught there is a way to do anything in life. There aren’t many ways, It’s right way or wrong way. The way Mrs. World snatched the crown was horrendous and she is been arrested for the same. Whereas as per the rules of the competition it was also not right on winner’s part to hide her marital status. The title is nothing to do with feminism yet it is for the one who is married; that’s why is is called “Mrs. Sri Lanka”.

This event is not just the one where people take out their cringe worthy thinking towards a divorcee lady. It is in the roots of the society that whenever a divorce happened that’s the girl who must be targeted.

I watch a short film on “Hotstar” named “Purana Pyaar” in which I found Mrs. Sharma didn’t remove Mrs. From her name as she quoted “life is much easier with the prefix” so I don’t think she is wrong anywhere.

My recent read “Excess Baggage” by ”Richa S. Mukherjee” is a must read for people who love “humour” In that the protagonist is twice a divorcee to which she accepted being impulsive in choosing the partner each time yet she didn’t see any wrong in being married as no matter what or how long you date each other; the real self of the better half enfolds once you share a bed and a roof. So things happen where is it not possible to adjust with habits of the other. The novel is a roller coaster of family issues yet the things I am highlighting are at work, being opened mouthed, being quick witted, being not interested in a guy, is because of her failed marriages. I mean what the hell is wrong with the society? Why don’t they live and let live? Why the marital status is really important?
That’s true if you are married you might or might not be busy for social gatherings but that doesn’t mean if a woman is divorced she is always ready to leave for parties and night outs.
Isn’t it a personal choice?

A girl got married to a boy of her choice at an early age and in 2 years of marriage she had just violence, beatings, screams and drama so she decided to divorce that guy, now unlike Mrs. Sharma in”purana Pyaar” she gave herself time of years before she thinks, she is ready to get married again.
Now a wonderful point here is as per age of 26 now she wasn’t the one who can choose the life partner. She has a tag!

She went on arrange marriage meetings to self aligned meetings:

Things she heard was: After two meetings, oops I approached you coz your status was divorcee and I thought you must be in a need of something, my wife is pregnant and I am also searching the same. She felt like puking on rusty thinking, the most she could do ATM was to block him.

Then came the guy who wanted to replace her father by not leaving her finger wherever she goes. She was applying jobs, 37 missed calls in 15 minutes. Calling back was getting a long lecture of “what was really important more than taking my call?”
A job….
Haha, you have to be a housewife after marriage what’s the deal of changing now?
The most could be done is to *block* and not to twerk on the commands of a toxic person anymore!

A woman is not allowed to chase her dreams comparatively less when she is divorced!

She didn’t listen to anyone and it was a hunt is disguise, a lot of broken expectations, but she found herself more stronger each time as she found it’s everywhere the same, home, work, news, blogs.

After a certain moment she stopped listening to anyone as her gut feeling was a guided symbol of right and wrong!

Surfing the internet proliferates your knowledge, indeed I am in total agreement with this fact. Since my school days I am thankful to “google” baba to help me in my school projects.
Today something happened to me while surfing, an add popped-up and my entire life drifted to and fro in front of my eyes thinking that doesn’t matter what age I was; I was also a victim of the same, no matter if my hymen wasn’t broken forcefully!
What about a membrane of self-confidence being impaired by acts of others. I wasn’t born in the times of self-confident parents. My parents were always took decision by asking others. In this scenario I never opened my mouth to divulge the truth about my sudden deterioration in behaviour. Suddenly the “kooki” Preet became “meeky” Preet.

You want to know what I saw on internet? It was an image, yes, simply an image, image of clothes put altogether in an exhibition of rape-victims. Rape victims of all ages, from 3 months girl to 75 years old lady’s Boski white Peshawari suit. I kept mum, I recalled all the incidents in my life when I was eve-teased. I was forced-created a doubt about me being a girl!

I suddenly remember my mom asked me to buy DMS milk, in those days when I was just 7 or 8, we used to stand for hours to buy that subsidised milk. My mother realised she has to go to pick my brother from play school, she asked me to buy and come back home. I was happy that she trusted me for my first calculations until the girl going back home dropped the milk that was torn because  someone dragged me from my left arm under the stairs in the scorching summer afternoon. I dropped the milk and ran, as that boy was pulling my skirt down and didn’t let him. I saved myself. Yet I lost a good girl’s tag in front of my mother, she didn’t trust me very soon with any other grocery shopping.

I was in grade 11th and coming back from tuition as I heard some cooing, hain!
I didn’t understand what was it, until my eyes ran from down to up at a man with open zip, dragging it up and down twice and an erected weenie-willie-plonker-the only sign of manhood he had and couldn’t prevent himself from exploiting a small school going girl, by summoning her to touch that vile thing. Of course to me at that ager it was vile sign because I didn’t invite him to have sex party. The only thing that day I could think of was to run. Yes, to run and beat P.T. Usha. I couldn’t but I saved myself again.

Then I was, in college, that day I was travelling by bus, wearing a suit, full sleeved, high neck, I don’t remember that attire as an invitation to any pervert. I was going to teach a school student to earn few extra pennies, but I wanted pennies, but I forgot that I have to travel through people with penises, which has current to set down in a public transport! I catnapped in a bus until I found something was crawling on recently elevated melons. Yes, due to hereditary my busts were late to appear. I was stunned, I could not shout once more. Just that man ran and de-board the bus at next stop. Since then till date I can never doze-off in any public transport at any time of the day, no matter how much I am tired. Even coming back from work.

And these are not it. There are many more events I can recall until one day I broke the silence when I was really wearing a short dress. I was 25, and coming back from a party of a friend. I was approched by a man as musical aeeeee…. Garam laag che…. To which really respond for the first time in my life, to which that man really ran off. Still I don’t say that it should be done. I may be lucky to encountered a pussy who ran off. I read every now and then that such gutsy women are often raped.

All this doesn’t make sense to me just like that image I saw today on internet. It is not age, clothes, colour, which allows rapists to rape!

Going back to one’s hometown can often bring up a great deal of memories and quiet reminiscing as we appreciate the home of our past selves.
I was hearing the song of cuckoo and carcus of the crow,Sleeping under the tree desperately wanted to grow,Wanting to be eligible for loads of cake makeup on my face as little babies were supposed to become prey,The neighbour aunty is peeling peas in heaps and segregating pods and peels,Where we never used to count the penny in hand rather the count was how many marbles I had,Also when dad wasn’t around I tried to walk on the ramp with high heels,Leaving hometown even the heels and cake became a big deal,As an attraction that steals all possible glimpse from men of all ages,Thud, thud, thud the sound became more audible and panting became distinct.It’s nothing but a reflection at the porch of my hometown’s houseThrough the window I found a child like mine watching shaktiman and power puff girls on a 24 inches TV,Or the books I read had stories of Malgudi daysWhich made my childhood better in many waysShe started screaming at mom to bring her a glass of milk,Screaming increased as mom was five minutes late,But she never gets angry as she is a cube of ice always,I woke up in a blink and a book had fallen which I was reading I guess,Found me in a train with a child of mine,Holding the hand of hers might she be now thinking the sameAsking now from myself,How being lass is missing the hometown land,The wheels screeched and all turned black and white as if I was in 1991 watching myself playing on the streets,In another second my parents came running towards me,It ain’t to scold me for playing hide and seek till lateThey took no pain to ask about me rather held the daughter of mineThen I understood what they say was rightInterest is always a step closer than the principalWhich made my expressions terrible for a whileSoon I realized this is how you evolve and change walking from the hometown to the hometown.

Previously published https://www.womensweb.in/2020/05/going-back-to-my-hometown-shivani/

HI

It’s been a while since Tara didn’t get any time to sit and try to figure out where she is lacking. since the day she got married she is been sundering in between the day of whimsical decor when she got married to Ray- Shortened the name of Raichand to the drowsy relation of newlyweds. The rendition of modernity starts for him with his name itself but no doubt he is an absolutely perfect partner Tara could have but then what’s going wrong? Why she is feeling isolated as if a somnolent air has entered their bedroom.
Tara is not very good at hiding what’s going on in her mind.
There are two reasons for it: Being an over-thinker and then end up saying her own cooked story mixed with her feelings.
Days have passed and she has become the heartiest friend of her father-in-law. She wants to share everything with him as they both share good chemistry the same has happened with her mother in law. After coming back from work they both share their daily routine as well as they share their thinking with all respect towards each other keeping the generation gap in mind. The best thing was none of them wanted to change anyone in this house and that’s really an amazing part. As they say, it was not working amongst the husband and wife. Raichand was a single child and a very private person it takes ages for him to open up. Though he makes time for Tara every now and then when she wants something he is occupied in his me time. She felt that the serenity of their relationship is amazing but this thing was different in them. She is jolly and needs that spice always between them and Ray was a real person he accepts the fact that it is beautiful only in movies.
Now what she could do this morning she bolted up in front of him and cried all day at work for fighting for no reason. Marriage is a wonderful thing. You wake up with a brand new problem each morning. It keeps you going. Tara is such a girl, she was remembering the discussion at a kitty party which was actually a get together of an extended family were 5 years back she was asked to get married at the age 0f 23 and she confidently said no to it as she said she is not ready. At the age of 28, she was already dating Ray from 2 years now and though even if he is silent most of the times but she can easily adjust with him as she believes a talkative girl and silent boy makes a perfect pair. Every now and then she gets chance she chose to talk about the same with utter perseverance as she never wanted to hurt his feelings and he is also no less; he knows when to make her crave for his love and tender touch.
It was the first Valentines after marriage and it was just 3 months to their marriage so she was again expecting somewhere crispy to be happening but at the same time, she kept in her mind that this guy Ray proposed to her for marriage on a WhatsApp message. Hovering in last year’s memories she judged all the things and efforts of his such as indulged in their pre-wedding shoot to make the best one. That always makes her laugh.
One day she came home a little early than usual and her mother-in-law found little time with her alone as she is experienced she didn’t say anything directly instead talked about something to check her changed expression just like her mother could do. When she gave an example that a girl flew to her mother’s place in the neighbour saying that my husband doesn’t give me enough time her expressions shifted a bit but Mrs Bhatia decided to keep mum. Then the next day she never talked between but tries to make them sit together and ask Ray to leave his Netflix aside for a while and indulge them in some talk the best way possible she could do. She tried the same many times from them and it worked a bit and also Tara on her hand always say something when she could which helped Ray accept the change in life due to marriage. No, don’t think they don’t fight anymore in fact they do it every now and then but the art they have learnt behind a successful marriage that this is also a spice in their relation. Ray also cut down watching Netflix to 2 episodes than watching it to never-ending hour in the clock. Initial one year was just happened to be like this until the next Rose Day in their life when she delivered a Rose-coloured daughter to which Ray in the delivery room said I can’t hold her as I might drop her to which Tara looked into his eyes making him feel confident and once he held her he was on cloud 999 Tara supposed thinking with a warm smile on her face “mom was right marriage does need patience!”

Love love with your heart touching the soul of the other
but expect not to get back the love you give away to the other
Seek your happiness in what you give and
not in what you didn’t from the other

hey there!
is it you?
have you already opened the foggy windows?
and removed a layer of pancakes
it’s time to go to bed
now,
embrace yourself
Pat yourself
wipe your face with wet tissue
apply oils and portions
which will rejuvenate your inner self
Say thanks for all and kindness you dealt with sheer Elegance
apologize for the bad done by you as you ain’t a Saint
living inside the dark dome
nothing shines,
nothing could change the fate
Either it’s you as a prey
or the one who slays
not worrying about the visions and interpretations
of cruel crowd crashing your spirit

you play the violin
the song of Manhattan
the cafe you adored for its music
your fingers are Juvenile tips
who knows the language of flowers
now they are burnt at the endings
revealing deeper wounds
while painting hell with the glitter of hope
far from grasping reality
I sleep on a dream pillow
feather touch on my cheek
wearing a red dress with firework embroidery
these fireworks are just a reflection of me
this is how
I feel when my reflection is staring back at me.

If I had wings and I could fly
I’ll set myself on the expedition to give my thoughts an alibi
Black lonesome nights grey lonely days must unwrap from unilluminated and dingy ways
I see red bird over my head in the blue skies soar high in green happiness tremendous; instead of running bare feet on brown land raging in revenge,
The cold Misty eyes will find solace amidst of conversation with the huge blue sea
while sitting on the orange rock with a turquoise book in hand!
What is beautiful?
Now it is making sense
The yellow fire of insecurity jealousy being lousy that burns my skin if I ain’t getting hot anymore
The white milk in raindrops giving it a touch of healing
I feel I am new with pinkish aura
So many colours in life even a lonely person could fill
life is a rainbow of
joys
sorrows
moments
tries
betrayal
inspiration
and moving on
All these seven colours I could find in loneliness.

Kabutar

Subh k 3:30 bj rahe h
Wese to mjhe roz ki tarah abhi tak so jana chaiye tha par aaj koi aisi baat zaroor hai jo mjhe chah kr bhi sone nhi de rahi hai.
Kaafi der se koshish krne par bhi neend meri aankhon se abhi kaafi door lag rhi h.Ek halki si jhapki lagi hi thi ki us ek pal mein mere bachpan kuch yaadein taaza ho gyi.

Hua yun ki kareeb 11 mahine pehle mene apni job chori thi jo mere jaise bohot se engineers k liye shayad ek sapna h aur reh rehkar mere dimaag mein ye baat bohot baar aa chuki thi ki kya mera ye faisla sahi tha ya galat.Kya mujhe pehle kahin dusri jagah naukri dhoondni chaiye thi ya abhi aur intezaar karna chaiye tha,thodi savings karni chaiye thi jaisa ki sab log karte h..!Aur sach batau to mujhe to abhi ye tak nhi pata tha ki kya mjhe dobara aisi naukri milegi bhi ya nhi ya kya main naukri hi karna chahta hun ya apna passion follow karna chahta hun.Ab to ye samay hi tay karne wala tha…ki aage meri kismat mein kya likha tha…

Aise kai sawaal the jo mere man mein roz uthte aur pareshan karte.Jab bhi akela hota to bas us pal k bare mein sochta jab main apna isteefa dene gaya tha.Main har baar HR k office mein khud ko khada hua dekhta aur sochta ki isteefa du ya nhi?

Mere liye aur shayad mere jaise bohot se logo k liye k ye sare sawaal bohot hi common h.. h na??
Hum karna to bht kuch chahte h par kisi na kisi wajah se bas un situations se compromise kar lete h aur khud ko khush rakhna sikha dete h…

Maine bhi inhi sawaloon k beech mene apne kadam aage badha to liye the par mjhe ab zindagi kya dikhane wali h ye hi shayad wo asli sawaal tha jo mjhe aaj kuch zyada hi pareshan kar raha tha ki itne mein mujhe mere mama ji ki ek baat yaad aa gyi aur shayad wo ek yaad kaafi thi jo aaj to kam se kam mujhe chain ki neend sone dene wali thi…

Ek kahani h jo meri yaad se aur mere dil se judi hui h aur jisko yaad karke mere dil se un sawaalon ka kaafi bhoj halka ho gaya tha jinse main joojh raha tha.

Ye ek kabutar ki kahaani h jo mast gutargoo gutargoo krta firta tha ….kabhi is chatt par fir yahan se udaaa to kisi aur chatt par gutar-goo … gutar-gooo…..
apne bhi bohot baar dekha hoga kabutaron ko aise ??
Par ek din kisi ne us kabutar ko pakad kar ek aadmi ko diya, jisko alag alag tarah ki chidiya rakhne ka bada shauk tha ….uske paas kaafi sari mehengi aur sasti sab tarah ki chidiya thi .Sabke liye alag alag tarah k bandobast .
Sabke daana paani ka dhyan rakhne k liye samay pr intezaam.

Wo unko samay se daana daalta…unke saath baatein krta…unke saath alag alag awaazein nikaalta…gaata…gungunaata… unka khyaal rakhta aur unko kabhi kabhi bahar ghumane bhi leke jata aur wapas laake saare khidki darwaaze band karke unke kamre mein khula chor deta .Mazedaar bast ye thi ki us kamre mein ek roshandaan tha jo hamesha khula rehta tha jisse ki kamre mein hawa aur roshni aati jaati rahe…lekin kabhi koi chidiya uss kamre se bahar nhi nikalti.Sab andar hi ek khidki se dusri khidki …khidki se darwaze par udte rehte aur mast rehte.

Kabutar bhi khush tha ,time se dana pani ka arrangement, baat kanre k liye dusri chidiya,rehne k liye jagah sab sahi tha.Par kabhi kabhi uska man krta tha ki agar mauka mile to pehle k jaise khule aasmaan mein idhar udhar udta firu,kabhi is chat par kabhi us chat par.Bas ye soch kr ruk jata tha ki waise to ghoom ghoom k dana chugna padta tha….aur kabhi yahan kabhi wahan ghosla dhoondna padta tha….aur fir kabhi pakde jaane ka darr lagta rehta tha…yahan rehne aur chugne k liye sab intezaam the aur na kisi cheez ka darr…isse zyada aur kya chaiye..!!

Samay beeta lekin kabutar hamesha sochta rehta ki us roshandaan se bahar nikal k ud jaau. Wo roshandaan k upar ghantoo baitha rehta, bahar dekhta rehta lekin kabhi bahar nikalne ki himmat nhi kar paya.
Dheere dheere kabutar ne bhi apna man usi kamre mein lagana shuru kar diya aur khush rehne ki koshish krta raha…lekin wo jitna khush rehne ki koshish krta wo utna hi dukhi rehne laga…

Ek din wo usi roshandaan par baith kr soch hi raha tha ki tabhi bahar khel rahe bachhon ki ball se kamre ki ek khidki ka kaanch poori tarah se toot k bikhar gaya….ye dekhte hi kabutar ne aaw dekha na taav aur khidki se bahar ud chala.
Jaise hi uske maalik ne kabootar ko khidki k bahar udke jaate hue dekha usne khidki par jaali laga di ki kahin uski bachi hui chidiya na ud jaae…

Ye dekh k kabutar pehle to bahar ek ped pr baith kr thodi der kamre ki taraf dekhta raha aur fir dheere se apne pankh faila k fir se ud diya….fir se gutargoo gutargoo kabhi is chatt pr kabhi us chatt pr….

Sochne wali baat ye thi aisa kya tha jo kabutar ko chah kar bhi us kamre mein kaid karke rakhe hue tha …
Kya wo uski soch thi ki wo kabhi kamre se bahar nikal hi nhi paega.
Ya uska darr tha ki ek baar agar wo yahan se chala gaya to wo aadmi usko dubara aane nhi dega.
Ya uska lalach ki jo bhi usko jeene k liye chaiye tha wo sab usko aasani se bina mehnat k mil raha tha.
Ye to wahi behtar bata sakta h.

Jo baat sochne wali h wo ye ki mauka to kabutar k paas hamesha se tha to fir usi din aisa usne kyun kiya.Kabutar ko bahar ab aisa kya dikh gaya tha ki us din wo kamre se bina soche bas nikal gaya ..??
Ye sawaal maine jab khud se baar baar kiya to bas itna yaad aaya ki jab main chota tha tb mamaji bhi mjhe kabutar bulate the ….ab q bulate the ye to pata nhi …par unko bhi shayad mjhme ek kabutar hi dikhta tha….aur ye soch kar mere chehre pr ek pyari si muskaan aa gyi aur shayad kahin na kahin mjhe ye samjh aaya ki agar main aage ki sochte rehta to shayad kabhi main bhi us kabutar ki tarah us kamre se kabhi bahar nhi nikal pata.
Mene wo kiya jo us pal mein mjhe sabse sahi laga.

Ab shayad poora aasmaan kabutar ka ghosla h aur wo kahawat to aapne bhi suni hogi …
“Jisne pet diya h wo roti bhi dega” …us kabutar ko uske hisse ka daana bhi kahin na kahin se to mil hi jaega..!!
kehne ka matlab ye ki agar itni himmat aa hi gyi to zindagi mein kuch na kuch kar hi lenge warna shayad hamesha kabutar ki tarah khud ko khush rehne ka jhoot bolte rehte.

2 line keh kr is kahaani ko khatam krta hun…ki

Tu aaj mare ye soch kr ki tu kal kya karega…
Tu khule roshandaano par hi baith.. in pankhon ka kya karega…

In this darkness
Let us rekindle
A tiny ray
Of knowledge
And enlightenment
Through our minds
That makes
The path ahead
Clear of this haze
Of stubbornness
And rigid values
Let us go
On a journey
For discovering
New horizons
And making
Our future world
A better place
To live in

Waqas Gul